Mind vs. Scale

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In my attempt to immerse myself into the world of eating disorders while I have the opportunity during this rotation, I am gathering as many references and resources as possible, both physically and mentally. What I mean by that is, anything that I can’t take a copy of, I spend my free-time on one of the comfy therapy couches reading through.

The great thing about this is that I’m not just flipping through textbooks. No, eating disorders are much more complex than that. Psychology comes into play, making the reading material much more enjoyable, at least in my opinion.

There are many books, self-help novels and long stories that are helpful in recovery from an eating disorder. Most of the time, these books are helpful not only to the patients, but also for the therapists, doctors and dietitians involved in recovery. It helps to understand.

So, today I picked up a book from one of the dietitian’s bookshelf and plopped down to read through a few chapters: Eat, Drink and Be Mindful, by Susan Albers.

Albers’ book is all about mindful eating. In fact, it’s woven with workbook-pages so that you can not only read the book, but become engaged and practice what you’re reading. If you’re curious about mindful eating, I suggest you read this book. It’s incredibly helpful, and if you haven’t a clue where to begin when it comes to eating mindfully, this book is for you.

But it’s not mindful eating that compelled me to write this post. No, there was a specific chapter that caught my attention. It caught my attention because, although I have a healthy relationship with food, there is one relationship that I still struggle with: the scale.

You see, I don’t quite know life without my scale. I started weighing myself in high school and really haven’t stopped ever since. Every morning, before I get into the shower, I step onto the scale. It used to be an obsessive-thing, but now it’s out of habit.

I know that it’s only habit because, back when it was an issues, the number on the scale dictated the mood for my day. Now? I take a mental note and move on. The number no longer affects my emotions.

But in Albers’ “Self Assessment” chapter, she addresses the need to not focus on specific numbers. She states that if you focus on your weight in numbers, you are less likely to focus on the behaviors that are being reflected in the weight.

She also acknowledges that there are those people that just use the scale to keep themselves accountable, being aware of what they weigh.

“These are the people who gain weight and don’t even realize it.”

I read that, and then re-read it. And then read it again. Is this like an editing error or something? I just didn’t get it.

But then I sat and thought about it, and realized that when I gain weight,  I almost always see it on the scale, and not in myself. I see the numbers creeping up day by day, and that is what tells me I’m gaining weight. But I never stop to acknowledge whether or not my body feels this way. Are my jeans tighter? Is my face fuller?

Because of my habitual morning weigh-ins, I’ve totally disconnected my mind from my body. I may have the healthiest connection between mind & food, and body & food, but what about mind and body? The connection isn’t even there anymore.

This is urging me to do two things:

1) Ditch the scale. There is absolutely no need for me to know my weight. I am worth far more than the number on the scale. The way my clothes are fitting is a better indicator of my body, and in order for me to be more connected then I need to start taking this into account.

2) Be more aware of my body during yoga. I tend to be in my mind more often when I’m doing yoga because it’s a huge way to relieve stress. But this makes yet another disconnect with my body. Yoga is all about balance, so I need to take this into practice with my focus on both mind and body.

 

Hopefully in doing this, I’ll find that connection with my body and mend the relationship.

 

Do you weigh yourself often?

Eating Disorder Rotation

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Have you ever thought about something, or wanted something, for so long, that when it finally happened, you were like, “eh…”.

That’s actually how I felt the first week or two of being at the eating disorder clinic. For years I have had this dream of working with eating disorder clients, but never was able to get any experience since it’s such a specialized area. And then when I found out that within my internship, I would finally have the opportunity to get the experience, I started building it up the whole year! It was kind of like I was just going through the motions with my other rotation sites so I could just get to this one.

The first two weeks, in my head I was like “oh my gosh.. what if this isn’t what I actually want to do, what would my dream be then?”.

But, then I had my week off. I was able to de-stress and re-center myself. I didn’t think a whole lot about internships, jobs, or even nutrition (except for eating delicious foods, of course), so when I came back to the eating disorder clinic that Monday, I would be coming back with a clear head.

And then, it became everything I’d imagined it to be. I started to see it for what it was, not what I had built it up to be. I was in such a fog of stress that even my “lifelong” (not really, but kind of) dream was almost passing me by. But fear not, I conquered the fog.

Since I’m the intern, I don’t do a whole lot of one-on-one counseling with the established patients, not yet at least. I calculate the calories each patient eats everyday, attend interdisciplinary staff rounds with therapists, nurses and the like, help the dietitians run their group sessions, and do the new admission assessments.

What I like about it is that every day is something new. It’s not like hum-drum clinical dietetics, and it’s not like frantic-crazy-employee-disciplining management dietetics, it’s client-focused. And you certainly don’t want your clients getting bored, so in turn, you’re never bored.

The best, and worst part, is that each patient or client is a challenge. No two eating disorders are the same. Sure two people may both be diagnosed with bulimia nervosa, but their story? How they got there? Not the same. Their fear foods? Triggers? Not the same. How you speak with them? Not the same.

I say it’s the best part because it is important to me to be challenged. One of my fears about my future career is that I’ll get bored, and not be challenged anymore.. but with clients like these, I just don’t ever see that happening. But for it to be the worst part, for now at least, I mean that it’s going to take a lot of experience in learning how to effectively deal with each patient separately. I’m always concerned that I’ll say the wrong thing, and I’m sure I’ve said the wrong thing a few times already, but it will come with time.

 

Aside from my thoughts about my rotation with eating disorders, I wanted to put this out there: If you are struggling with eating disorder behaviors or thoughts.. please reach out for help! I often find that people think they’re “not sick enough” to ask for help, and that is just not true. Everyone deserves a good life, and if you are plagued by thoughts that prevent that, then please reach out to a therapist or a dietitian that specializes in eating disorders. They can, and will help you, no matter how big or small the problem may be. A good place to start is the National Eating Disorder Association.

<3

Staying Active Lately

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I’ve learned a lot of things about myself over the past year or two. So many things have changed and I’ve had to do a lot of just plain-old growing up.

One big thing I’ve learned about myself is that when it comes to exercise, it needs to be something that I actually want to do… not something that feels forced.

Since February, my workouts have been kind of sporadic and totally half-assed. But the past month or so, I gave it a different approach and now I find myself back into a groove that I’m liking.

Running. Walking. Yoga. That’s about it.

Andrew and I started running outside again, before it gets too hot in Florida for us to handle. Nothing major, no distance goals. Just short 2-3 mile runs in the sunshine.

I’ve also been taking Annie on long walks when I can, and really enjoying the quite time with my most favorite little creature on earth. I feel like she’s my child… normal?

dogwalkAnd yoga? Well I know you guys want to hear about the yoga. How can a poor intern afford yoga? Well, I can’t really. My yoga mat is old and faded and I haven’t set foot in a yoga studio in over a year. Yoga doesn’t have to be all of that.

But if you’re like me, you probably prefer at least a little direction when getting your Om on. For a while I was YouTubing “full length yoga” and coming up with just terrible, awful videos that just left me frustrated. Until, one day, Clare from Fitting-It-All-In did a review on Reflexion Yoga. This is a website with dozens of full length yoga classes, ranging from 30-60 minutes, with all of their own instructors.

reflexionFirst let me just say that I absolutely LOVE how the site is organized. You can filter the yoga by difficulty, length, and specific instructor. Also, under each thumbnail of the class is a short description, saying what it specifically focuses on, the length and the difficulty.

Another plus is that the instructor is actually teaching the class to a student, so they will sometimes redirect the student’s posture or position. I find this to be helpful because they are typically things that I’m not fully aware of in my own practice, and it keeps me mindful in the more difficult poses.

The best part about Reflexion Yoga is that it’s only $12 per month. I swear I’m not trying to sell you on their site… I am in no way affiliated with them! Just a satisfied, paying-customer that wants to share my find with everyone. Finally, good-quality yoga I can afford!

Even more, they offer a 15 day free-trial, and if you decide you don’t like it then you can simply cancel your “order” before the 15 days is up so that they won’t charge you. They also have a “Free Content” section with just a handful of shorter videos to try out as well.

With my long-lost-love yoga thrown into the mix, I’ve really just been having fun staying active. It’s not that I don’t like lifting, or circuit workouts, or anything else.. but for right now I’m happy with what I’m doing and when I feel the need to change it up, then I will!

What workouts are you loving right now? P.S. Tell me if you try Reflexion Yoga and if you liked it!